


Just an Everyday Sitcom

by Coffeecapella



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, How Do I Tag, Huddling For Warmth, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 18:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17903300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffeecapella/pseuds/Coffeecapella
Summary: In 2019, there's a new law in the US that proclaims that every living being is allowed to come in and out of the country without consequence. However, this new law isn't sitting well with its current inhabitants. They were fine with foreigners, but they were never expecting elves, gods, and other myths to be moving in with them..





	1. Hitting Rock Bottom

This story begins with a woman who lived with nothing and a god that had lost everything, and each share their side of how they hit rock bottom..

 

Noelle's POV

To think that true love had an actual rocky start. In the literal sense, I mean, not the heartbreaking cliche. I mean you wouldn't believe that you could meet your prince charming on the sharp beach rocks at an ungodly hour, would you? Well I'm about to prove ya wrong! A miserable woman named Noelle Parker was able to do it. She had just left Dio's Diner, a club for those having a rough night. The woman was a month behind on rent, so she had gotten evicted from her condo. Unfortunately it was the same day she lost her job; poor performance and showing up high in front of customers.

Apparently her boss was finished with her crap and fired her, but screw him. She didn't like the job anyway, not after her pay was cut as soon as she got halfway into the year. Grief, this all happened on New Year's Eve too, the day before you make your mark and do great things. This was not a good way to start off the new year. It was 1 in the morning now, happy new year, I guess. She smelled the smoke of the fireworks that the explosions left behind. She was so deep in her thoughts she had been wandering outside for an hour. Great.

Because of her misfortune, she decided to take one of her stress walks down to the beach. Okay, so there were many problems with this idea. First off, it's one in the morning, she's just asking to be robbed. Secondly, she had nothing but a scarf and short sweater, mot enough protection against the winter cold. Thirdly, she wasn't in her right mind, her judgement clouded by the weed and wine in her system. Which comes to the obviously asked question...

Why hasn't she just ended it all?

Well, simple. She didn't want to; it wasn't in her nature or natural instinct. That, and she saw a merman on the rocks.

She was probably too high for that second part to be true. Or drunk. Probably both.

Noelle watched as the man in the plastic poncho read a book on the rocks, the waves clashing near his sandles; as if nothing was wrong. Maybe he was having an off day too, but his actions were ridiculous. Sandles? At this time of year? Ha! He was just asking for pneumonia. Contradicting her thoughts, she began walking down to the beach, stumbling as the harsh wind pushed her.

The waves crashed against her legs as soon as she got her balance, now that, that made her irritated.

"Oh ain't this just great? Fan-fudging-tastic!" She curses loudly as she stomps in her soaking, sloshy boots, her stockings beginning to sag. The man on the rocks turned his head towards her, looking confused.

That only made her angrier, but there wasn't a plausible of her being angry at him. It was her idea to talk to him after all. Still! She had to vent somewhere, to someone.

"You! Yeah you! What on earth is your problem!? And why are you reading in the water!? Your pages must be soaking!" She rambled as she forced herself to climb the tall rocks. Upon closer inspection, it was obvious this man wasn't an ACTUAL merman, but he sure enough could play the part.

Long and voluminous hair, beefcake body, sharp features, there wasn't a single flaw! Well, besides his odd behavior, but nonetheless a legend! The man closed his book and narrowed his eyes at her, uh oh now she's done it.

"I have no problems on earth. It's more in Ueurophine, really. Why do you ask?"

"Because you're out here reading a book in a storm and- and uh...what did you just say?" Noelle stammered, not expecting that sort of answer. What the heck was Ueurophine!? She sits on a rock near him, she could tell he was uncomfortable. Noelle honestly couldn't blame him; imagine someone just walking up on you during the middle of an empty beach at night, scolding you as you just mind your own business, and then suddenly is clingy to know everything about you.

Noelle was close to punching herself for becoming the person she hated but loved the most: a creep.

Oh well, might as well finish what she started.

"Ueurophine. That's where I'm from. I just landed here not so long ago. I heard this was a good relaxing spot-"

"You call this relaxing!?" She points to the loud and big waves.

"I don't believe I remember asking for your opinion on what you find relaxing." The man says, "And I don't remember asking for your company." He adds with a bit of sass, standing on the rocks. She stood as well, but kept slipping. He grabbed her arm when Noelle almost impaled herself on the sharp edges below, though he seemed reluctant in touching her. The weed and the champagne were finally catching up to her; she felt sick and dizzy all at once.

"You scare me, lady. You might be one of the first humans to-"

"Shut up and take me home."

"I don't know where you live."

"Then take me to your home."

"I don't have a home here on earth. I'm actually just traveling."

"Then take me to a hotel, you weirdo.." And with that last weak insult, she blacked out.

TBC


	2. Hitting Rock Bottom pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Poseidon is just done with humans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, me again! I would recommend you listen to this song https://youtu.be/zkggvNaUArQ or https://youtu.be/uvxagNIBVLU [depending on what style you like] but trust me, this goes well with this chapter lol

**The Morning After ... But With Spice!?**

* * *

* * *

Poseidon

Damn that woman, making it harder for him to just lay low while he was on earth. He looked down at Noelle, if she wasn't so sassy and attractive, he probably would have dumped her in the ocean. However, he was merciful enough to give her a chance. Sure, his reasoning was horrid, but at least he didn't kill anyone.

Well not anyone human.

As he walked, he looked down slightly busy streets to find a place to rest. What was the place she wanted to be in? Motel? Hotel? Eh, either one would do in his opinion. He looked down one alley, seeing a street fight between ogres and dwarfs, another alley had a witch selling spells and drugs in water bottles. They all seemed like good spots to ask where to sleep, though he believed the woman in his arms wouldn't be too happy with that.

Humans were so boring...Poseidon began to walk the opposite way, seeing a building named Aphrodite's Pearl™. Ah, so his niece moved here too, what a surprise. A family reunion early. He walked over, happy to pay a visit.

As Poseidon entered, he noticed two girls at the front desk. They didn't look like they were Aphrodite's nymphs, where these humans then? That's...odd. But not unsurprising. He knew Aphrodite; as long as they were cute and attractive, she would wouldn't care what you are.

"A room for two." He ordered, the women stiffening at his voice. They must have done their history work, knowing this was their boss's uncle, because they immediately gave him a key with a forced laugh and smile. "It's on the house! Stay as long as you'd like!"

He was given a key and left on his own. The key had a heart shaped hole, of course it was just for show. It belonged to room 5B, a luxury room with an outdoor view and installed bar. Why was there a bar in...

Oh..ohhh...OH!

Poseidon felt like slapping himself for not realizing what was happening. He looked down at the woman in his arms and thought about throwing her out the window. But he decided to be civilized. The urge was still there sure, but he could be better.

He got on the elevator and pressed the fifth floor button, adjusting woman in a more comfortable position. The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and a girl with running mascara on her cheeks was standing in front of it. Well, wasn't this awkward. The girl looked so young, probably 19 or 20, but she shouldn't BE HERE! Already got her heart broken, poor girl. She rubbed her eyes and looked down, probably best to leave now. She entered, he exited without a word.

The things he's doing for this woman...

  
Noelle

  
When she woke up, she was greeted with the bright light of the sun and splitting sharp pain in her brain. Ohhh great. Noelle moaned and buried her face in the pillow below her, draping the blankets over her head. Wait.

She bolted up, her vision was blurry but her mind was clear enough that this wasn't her home.

"You humans take forever to wake up, I almost thought about calling Asclepius and Hypnos to make sure you weren't dead."

The man from the night before spoke from the end of the bed, reading one of his books. He smiled and she felt sick. She didn't have...anything on..

"Did...did we.."

The man looked confused, before suddenly getting it. "Oh no no no, I would never! You're cute, sure, but you have the worst personality for me."

"I get it. Makes me feel so much better."

"Oh? I would have thought you would be offended."

"...so why are my clothes off?"

"Oh, Aphrodite came in earlier and wanted to see if you were good enough to date. You're on her list now."

"...what?"

The man closed his book and repeated his statement. Noelle flopped back onto the bed, grabbing her pillow to scream into. Could her life get any more difficult?

"I'm taking you to Olympus to proceed with the date. Eros will be your coach along the way."

Noelle glared at the man. "Who are you!? And why are you saying all these - these greek names!?"

The man rolled his eyes. "Poseidon, fool. How has it not clicked yet?" He asked, which was actually a good question. She really should have seen the signs. Him being in the storm like it was nothing, coming to this hotel that just so happened to be owned by Love herself. And now she's just caught up im all this mess.

This was going to be veeeery interesting.

TBC


	3. Fitting In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Persphone just wanted to fit in, why was that so hard to understand?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was uncomfortable writing this just as it was uncomfortable reading this.

**TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE**

Kore thought house parties were supposed to be fun. Especially for college seniors. All she ever heard about was the DJ put on some great beats, everyone knew when to chill when things got too hyped, and everyone COOL could be invited.

She was a cool person. She just didn't like the party.

Kore sighed as she sat on the couch, leaning far away from the boy beside her that was throwing up into a trashcan; bastard had too much to drink. As much as she was disgusted, she'd rather stay there than go into the kitchen with her friend Minthe who was busy talking about her, wanting to get her a date or something. Valentine's Day was coming up anyway.

But she would never be interested in what the little nymph would recommend.

The guy next to her slumped against her with a chuckle, drool making its way down his chin. Kore pushed him off and stood, just about done with the party. She needed to find somewhere a little quiet, but she doubted there was any such place.

First place she went was to the bedroom. It was quiet, but there was a couple doing the dirty deed on the wall. She didn't stay long, not like she wanted to. She tried the closets; too many clothes and condoms. The basement had its own mosh pit, so that was a no. The last place available was the bathroom in the hall.

Feeling someone brush up against her behind, she wasn't hesitant in going in.

However she didn't know she was in the company of someone else.

A boy not far from her age was literally sitting on the toilet, pants down and reading a book. He looked mortified when he saw that he was no longer in privacy. Kore shut the door behind her and sat in the tub, drawing the drapes closed.

"Please don't mind me, I'm just trying to get away from the party." She said quickly in humiliation, her cheeks growing dark when she heard the toilet flush and pants being zipped up. The sink turned on, Kore thought she made him uncomfortable. When it turned off, she sighed in actual relief.

Until the drapes pulled back rather quickly.

The boy was staring down at her with heavy confusion and worry, kneeling against the tub.

"Are you seriously okay, miss? No one is willing to stay in the loo." He asked, Kore covering her face.

"I didn't know this party was going to be so...lit. I was, you know, hoping it was like an old school college party with the punch bowl and slow dancing."

"Let me guess, your extrovert friend dragged you here to force you to have fun?"

Kore looked at the guy with surprise, his smile unwavering.

"Same thing happened to me too. You aren't alone in that."

Now this is a guy she could be friends with. Kore leaned against the tiled wall with a heavy sigh.

"Finally, someone understands! Like, just because I'm the goddess of fertility, doesn't mean I want to have sex! That's so offensive!"

"Yeah! And I'm a fan of gothic things, but also flowers and perfume! They think I'm gay or something.."

"I know right? It's just..." Kore started.

"Really hard.." The boy continued.

"Fitting in." They say in unison.

They look at each other with slight blushes, though it was hard to tell in the dim light. The boy clears his throat and holds out his hand.

"Uh, my name is Dis. Dis Pater. Let's try and have some fun. We'll just get some drinks. I'll introduce you to some friends n stuff." He offered, Kore didn't turn him down.

So they had fun. In an hour, Kore could barely make out voices or faces. She may have had one too many shots. She stumbled towards a table and laid her cheek against the cold wood. A blur was walking close to her. It was Dis with a guy, she thinks his name was Hercules. Dis left, Hercules sat next to her. The buff man wouldn't stop talking.

She blacked out, the next thing she knew, she was in a car, next to a large hotel. Her body was pulled out the car, the chime of a bell slightly rousing her from her drunken state.

"Room for two." Said a muffled voice above her, and she blacked out again.

When she came to, she saw the man towering over her, naked with an unashamed smirk on his face. He leaned close and forced his lips onto hers, moaning softly.

"You're so soft...you're so good to daddy.."

He cooed, and she suddenly felt pain in her cooch. She moaned and shut her eyes, the man above her laughed.

"Oh I love that noise, do it again."

She felt pain again, she couldn't help but do it again. It happened a few more times before she passed out again.

Finally, when she woke up, it was 1 in the morning. She was sore and sweaty all over, she even felt queasy. She sat up, noticing her dress had been ripped and her pants and panties had been thrown to the floor.

Kore heard a snore next to her and she looked down, seeing a man asleep. What happened? She tried getting up, almost gasping in pain at the most unbearable feeling between her legs. There was blood on the sheets. Oh..oh gods..

Tears rolled her cheeks. She had been..oh gods..

She pushed through the pain and put on her panties and pants, rushing to put on her shoes, before leaving the room as quietly as possible. She covered her mouth and leaned against the wall and sobbed, walking towards the elevator. She didn't know where to go, if she still had her phone, she'll just call a HUBER [Hermes owned the company] to take her home.

Kore heard the elevator open, she went to enter only to pause at seeing a tall man holding a sleeping girl in his arms. All of a sudden, she felt like she was going throw up or scream. Or both. Was this some type of brothel? Was this okay!? Maybe in the human culture...it was? She looked down and sniffled, the man giving her an awkward stare as he walked away.

She waited for the doors to close, before screaming to the top of her lungs. This world would always be unfair. She couldn't trust anyone anymore. Where was Dis? Where was her friend? Kore rubbed at her face. Maybe she was too out of place for him, she guessed. Probably just a toy, or he just didn't know this would happen...?

There was one thing she did know for sure.

Being a well known goddess with a reputation to uphold; having something like this happen to her and she could have been strong enough to fight him off, this would be a damage to her name.

She would never fit in at this rate if anyone found out..  



	5. Ghosts in Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geez, some people just can't accept that their dead. Like, what's so hard about knowing your heart stopped beating?

When I blinked for the thousandth time, things felt strangely. . . different. Did I fall asleep? I looked up at my clock, which ticked very slowly. It read 3:54pm. I wonder if it needs new batteries, or maybe I'm just out of it again. I got up and went to my bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror; still the ugly little bastard I remember myself being for as long as I can remember. I don't know what else I expected, I never change anything with my hair or do makeup. I'm just human. I opened the cabinet behind the reflective glass and took my antidepressants. I shouldn't kid myself with taking them though. 

 

Outdated and never useful. 

 

I heard the phone ring, probably not for me and just a telemarketer again. But it would be nice to talk to someone. I hurried up and answered the phone, "Hello?"

 

"Close your eyes you'll be here soon. Ichi ni san chi go fun-"

 

I hung up, confused as to what the voice was on the phone. What were they singing about? A company? Oh I get it, sleep therapy. No thanks, I'd rather be awake than have nightmares. There was a loud knock at the door, hm I'm getting quite the attention today. 

 

I looked in the peephole; there was a woman in her late fifties, at best, looking annoyed as she tapped her foot impatiently. 

 

"Sonnet! Are you in there? Why aren't you answering the door?"

 

Sonnet? Who is that?

 

"I'm sorry but I believe you have the wrong-"

 

The woman banged on my door harder, now I was getting irritated. Why is she so insistent on seeing this "Sonnet" person anyway? I glared at her, only to see two people, man and a woman, with suitcases behind them. The older woman turned around and huffed. 

 

"Where have you been, miss Sonnet?"

 

The lady answered in a rush, "Sorry we're late, we just had to get-"

 

"No excuses! You're still late, I could have gotten the other client for this by now." 

 

Client?

 

I stepped back when my door was suddenly opened ,the people walking in without a care. Oh, this is a break in for sure. But did they really not see me?

 

"Hey, I didn't get an eviction notice you know. Why are you guys in my apartment?" I asked them, none of them answering me. They looked around my house and touched my things, did they even wash their hands? Wait- WHY ARE THEY TOUCHING MY THINGS!?

 

"Geez the person that lived here was nasty, there's trash everywhere! Unsettling pictures, pills on the floor, what gives, were they insane?"

 

"Oh I apologize," The older woman said, bowing at the two clients. "The janitors never got to this room yet, weren't allowed."

 

"What do you mean? They never came by! In fact, I always call them to clean because I hate messes. Why are you lying to their face?" I yelled, getting aggravated. I banged my fist on the wall, all of them flinching at the sound. Oh now they notice me. 

 

"What is going on, who are you?" I asked them, raising my voice. None of them answered. The man laughed and turned to the women, having his back towards me. Sly little. . .

 

"I heard this place was haunted or something!" 

 

"Oh that's just preposterous! The man just moved out that's all! Where in the world did you get that idea?"

 

"I NEVER LEFT! I'M. RIGHT. HERE! WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING!? PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" I screamed, letting my anger get the best of me. I slammed harder on the walls, close to them. They wanted me to make a scene, now they got one. The two clients froze and looked at the lady, who looked like she was going to faint, with wide eyes. It was getting their attention so I banged on the wall and the table repeatedly. The male cleared his throat. 

 

"You haven't heard? The rumor?"

 

"What rumor?" The elder woman asked nervously. I wanted to know too! Answer her!

 

"There was a murder in this apartment room six months ago."

 

...what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this page is mainly a filler for a small hiatus, but technically this a novel intended for short stories, so yeah. This most certainly doesn't make sense, I know, but still hope you enjoyed anyway!❤


	6. Well then..[Author's Note]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nuffin really, just a serious little talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just an A/N. Sorry for you having to wait and come back to literally no updates.

Okay, so I know I haven't been on for a while, I do so apologize. I have just been extremely busy under circumstances such as performing daily for this show at school, so I have extreme writer's block for this story. Not many people read it anyway so I guess that I'm not disappointing a lot of people. However, I will make a small return in about 2 weeks with an ACTUAL fanfiction. And probably replace the title with this one, trust me it'll make sense. Thank you all for sticking around, bye loves

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I'm new here so this format is a helluva lot new to me. But nice to meet ya, whoever's reading this, lol. But here is the first part of this whack book I'm writing, might as well be a crackfic. Hope you enjoy anyway!


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